Does a blog define who we are?

Latest Back news...Went today for a nerve block. Ouch! Passed out during procedure. Awoke to snapping fingers, the Dr. repeating my name and cold compresses on my head BUT I felt relief from the pain. AAHHH. Still not back to normal-need a few days to take true effect. Now back home in bed with ice pack and prescription pain meds....laptop on tummy- so this was written yesterday while I was laid up all day in pain on prescription meds. I think it still makes sense?!

What you are about to read our my thoughts and while you may or may not agree with them that is what a blog is, an open forum to express your thoughts.

I got to thinking this morning about blogging. I was introduced to the concept several months ago by a friend, Dave. He had latched onto this phenomenon,he said it was a way to for him to write down a history of events that had happened in his life; to possibly leave a legacy for his daughter to reflect back on. And as a "closet " writer he also felt this was an opportunity for him to share his hobby/passion for writing with others.

It took me a few tries and several blog sites to get acclimated to this myself. One of the questions I often receive from friends is "What is a blog" and "What's the point?" Ok, that's two questions but who's counting.

After some explaining, the next question is "why would you put yourself, your personal thoughts and life experiences out there for strangers to read? Why not keep them in a diary/journal?"

Well, my intentions were to remain nameless and faceless in an arena where I could say anything I wanted and express any feelings/opinions without being known. I think though deep down inside, people (I guess me) want others to respond and react to something that they are feeling and experiencing, whether it be good or bad. I think I may have told someone when they asked me those questions, "that blogging feels like "Group Therapy" only you are like the "Wizard of Oz"...behind a curtain."

Then I thought, why not use my blog as a way to share photos and keep up with family members that live out of state . You know, inform them of my life. It's less expensive than creating a website and a lot easier than writing a letter or calling them on the phone. And as I write this , this thought just crossed my mind, essentially this would eliminate the pleasure one receives from hearing the voice of someone they love. Yeah, that's rather impersonal.

If you are stumbling across my blog for the first time or are a constant reader of it, you know that I am not nameless or faceless. I have shared personal thoughts, including my own heart aches and personal photos as well. I have also given my blog address out to several friends and family members . This prohibits me from truly expressing my thoughts and emotions to protect those relationships in my life. It also prevents me from using excessive profanity and sexually explicit comments. Well, for those who know me more intimately, I have been known to swear like a sailor and talk sexually explicit, but I'd rather my Mom not "read" that.

So once I became hooked on this blogging phenomenon, I began randomly clicking through blogs. Ones that I liked I put them in my "favorites" folder. And like any new relationship I went back to my favorites to see if they were definitely going to be keepers or they were just a one entry only thing.

And I wrote. And I wrote. And I began to yearn for someone to comment on my blog. I began looking for affirmation that it was meaningful, funny, helpful to someone else who may be experiencing the same things. Did I make them laugh, cry, respond? Basically, was I anyone's favorite? As I continued along, with still no comments, and why should I care, after all this was my outlet and no one had to take part in it, I began to feel lonely and I wanted to be noticed like many of the thousands of other blogs out there. I wanted to be part of a "blog group". You know like the cool group in high school?

Dave told me the more you comment on other people's blogs you better your chances of getting yours read. Then one day I saw it, it was on Dave's blog...1/2 Nekkid Thursday. My curiosity got the better of me and I clicked on the link and read the rules. Of course, being the blonde that I am, I assumed that you actually had to be 1/2 Nekkid. Not true. And when I saw that Dave had received numerous comments when he participated, I thought here's an opportunity to get some people to read/visit my blog.

So, I participated and got some feedback from some of the regulars and I did pick up a few bloggers who enjoyed my writing, encouraged me to continue and so on. However, what began as a fun weekly activity started to stress me out. So many people, so much creativity involved. I am too busy to be creative, what will I take a picture of next? I am running out of body parts that are "G" rated to expose. I felt if I didn't do something imaginative would anyone notice or care to come back? Now, this was and is my own personal angst. I think is stems from being a perfectionist. At least that is what therapy has taught me. So, I scrolled through many blog sites to see what others had done or were doing. And over time the number of participants to this little game grew to an ungodly large list.

I started to see it all, and I mean that quite literally. I am not judgmental and if I don't like what I see/read I have a choice; don't go there. I will admit, my curiosity got the better of me and sometimes it was as if I would be looking at porn, some tasteful others not. Some, I was in awe of because they could, literally, put it out there, whereas I could not. They were some beautiful bodies. However, blogger is a channel of open access to millions of people so often rude and hurtful comments were posted on some of these peoples blog sites. And, that was not the point (at least according to "the rules") of 1/2 Nekkid Thursday.

What a shame because some of my favorite bloggers deleted their blogs and never returned. Others have e-mailed me to tell me their new blog address the one that they had to create because of this. I miss some of those who have not returned (i.e. Chrissie).

Anyway, I noticed that the more Nekkid one got the more responses one received. And as I said I am not nor was I ever prepared to go "there." Many of these bloggers have partners/spouses who took their photos and or participated with them in the photo. By what I was seeing it was apparently acceptable to their partners that they were receiving comments, some rather sexually "raw" on their "Nekkidness". And since many bloggers personal addresses are unknown, there is no fear of some crazy blogger to physically stalk them, only to do so emotionally.

As for me, I wouldn't be comfortable having my partner/spouse make comments about another woman's breasts etc...in any manner. I admit to commenting on some of the pictures myself. I, however, do not have a significant other yet have kept my comments relatively non offensive. That's just me.

I don't know, does that make me sound like a prude? Insecure with myself or my relationship? I'm not a prude, far from it. Nor am I insecure, but I would question why my bf felt the need to respond to another woman's bare "titties" with an X-rated comment. Hey, you've got the milk for free at home. Now I know a lot of this is meant to be "tongue in cheek" "harmless fun" so no need to get on the defense.

However, I started to wonder if blogging has become the "internet chat room" of the future? Does it allow us to comment or confer with others who have spouses/partners the way internet chat rooms do? Only in this forum, we tend to have a sample of their "profile" as well as pictures, sort of like Match.com. And if people can "cheat" on line as they have been know to do is a blog site also an outlet for this as well? Don't act surprised, I know people have and can start a flirtation with one another of the opposite or same sex, whether it's in the comments section or by personally e-mailing them.

I wonder...

Have we come to a crossroad where we choose to spend more time with our blog "friends" then the ones we have that are available to us "live"?

Do we tend to share more with our blogger friends (off site in private e-mails) than we do with our own partners/friends?

When we are lonely, do we reach out to our blogger friends because they've told us "call me anytime when you feel this way because I have been there too and we can chat.", rather than reach out to our "live" friends?

Do we really know this other person? Really? Does reading someone's blog really define who they are?

For some people blogging is their outlet. A place they can allow their alter ego to let loose. A place they can write thoughts, stories, share photos, express political views etc.. However anytime the door is open to millions of people we expose ourselves...It doesn't matter if it's on here or on the street, people are people. Some will be kind, funny and caring while others will be mean, hurtful, racist, and rude...It's what you do with it that matters.