A Love Story...

He had been watching her but she didn't know. He wasn't stalking her just interested in knowing who she was and what was her story. He passed his interest in the girl around. His sources told him she had just ended a relationship with a man who deceived her, she worked at the restaurant next to the club he managed and she was in her last year of college.

It was a warm summer night when he spotted her, walking across the plaza. She was wearing a mini-skirt,sandals and a denim jacket with jewels attached to it with a tank top underneath. He wanted to get her attention but how? He sent over a guy she knew. This guy called her name and told her that she had an admirer and he would like the opportunity to introduce himself personally, if she would stop by. She laughed and said to herself why not?

He bought her a drink and said "hi I'm Curt". She could tell he wasn't from the Midwest, his accent gave him away. It was southern and sweet. The tone was foreign to her ears so her first thoughts were not so kind. However, as they continued to talk she became more comfortable with the accent and with him. She needed to leave for her friends were expecting her. He asked if he could call her, she smiled and said sure and wrote down her number.

He called her several days later. They talked on the phone and he asked her if she would like to go to dinner on Thursday. Yes, she replied.

She thought to herself this could be the much needed diversion she needed to help her get over the last relationship she was in. She needed affirmation that she was pretty, funny and wanted. So why not give this a try.

They met for dinner and afterwards he asked her if she would like to come up to his place for some wine. She hesitated, after all they had just met. He promised her no funny business just some conversation and some wine. Ok, she said.

They spent the next four hours, could it really be almost 2am?, talking about each other and laughing about life. She needed to go, it was late, he asked if he could see her again. Yes, she would like that, she said.

And so they went out again and became closer. They had advanced their relationship to being physical but had not yet slept with one another. One night she went out with her friends and went to the place he managed. Drinking and dancing and drinking, when her old lover/boyfriend showed up. They became intertwined on the dance floor to a slow, sweet love song. He, who had broke her heart, now held her close and kissed her and she responded.

At that moment, maybe it was the alcohol that fired up the passion and the desire she had once felt for her former flame, this lover who had cheated and deceived her, but tonight she didn't care. Maybe it was the alcohol, that gave her the courage, or stupidity to respond to the seduction of her former lover. It made her not give a damn and throw caution to the wind. It appeared it made her forget where she was and who was watching, him . Afterall, he managed the place. What she didn't know, until it was too late, was that he witnessed all of it.

Flash forward to months later, she not only had made a mistake that night with her former flame but she broke the trust and shattered the feelings and any future with Curt.

Curt, being the gentleman that he was, never made her feel his pain. He hid it well but she knew that what she did caused him embarassment and pain. She had lost his trust and some of his respect as well.

You see, she had never had a man treat her so kind, so good. He didn't try to woo her with the cover of expensive dinners, gifts, or "bullshit". What he gave to her, was respect, tenderness, trust, laughter, smiles and a happiness in her heart. No drama. However, she wouldn't appreciate any of this until years later and one to many "bad" relationships. She didn't know at this time that he would be her "one" until it was too late.

She graduated from college in the winter of '88. She accepted a job out of town, one because it was the break she was looking for to get into the entertainment business and two she needed to get away from all the heartaches and memories that were all around her. This was her time to start fresh, no one would know her past, her pain would remain where it began. SHe was ready to embark on her future.

Flash forward to December of 1989. She is settled in her new surroundings and has been there for almost a year. It is the week before Christmas. She's transfixed by the snow that is falling to the ground as she gazes out the the sliding glass door window. She feels alone in her new environment. A half furnished apartment with a card table for dining when she is jolted from her thoughts by the ringing of the phone. She walks across the room and picks up the receiver, "Hello", she says "hi, it's Curt." he replies. She thinks, who? how? "Oh my god could it really be?"

He tells her he found her through mutual contacts and calling information taking a chance that he had the right person. He called to wish her Happy Birthday. Born a Christmas day baby she often gets passed over. He says he had hoped to reach her before she left town to be with her family. They talk for what seemed like just a few minutes but in actuallity was an hour. She reluctantly hangs up the phone. She feels excited and flattered, he remembered..he actually remembered.

Over the course of the year they talk a few more times. He tells her he is moving to Houston. He tells her that he misses her. She misses him too, but what can they do? She is on the verge of creating a name for herself as is he in both of their respected careers. They have not made any commitments to each other but there is a bond between them.

She becomes accustomed to a call from him on her birthday. She knows like clockwork that the phone will ring either at the stroke of midnight or the next morning. It's always him wishing her happy birthday, he always remembers.

Time continues on and she becomes involved with a wonderful caring man. However she knows that she does not love him the way two people should love each other. But he is kind and considerate to her and she know he loves her.

One day the phone rings, it's Curt calling from Houston. He says he will be in Chicago for the weekend and would love to see her. She says without thinking yes! Giddy and excited she thinks " What will I wear, is it posible to loose a few pounds before I see him etc"...then it hits her, how will she explain this to her boyfriend. She tells him she is going to Chicago for a weekend with a girlfriend. The boyfriend wants to meet her there. She can't come up with an explanation to prevent this other than insisting it's a girls' weekend.

As she is a bad liar, she breaks down and confesses that she is going to meet an old friend, who happens to be a guy, but there is no need for him to worry, it's platonic. Her boyfriend is the jealous type.

Too her surprise, he shows up in Chicago the same night she is to meet Curt. She has nothing to hide, so she says, when her boyfriend decides he wants to go with her. Damn! she thinks. The meeting/reunion with Curt is awkward and the night erupts in a lover's quarrel between her and her boyfriend. The boyfriend knows that her relationship with Curt was and never will be platonic. He saw the way they looked at each other and was threatened right away.

Curt calls her the next day when she returns home expressing his disappointment in their meeting, but understands the situation and chalks it up to bad timing. However, he says she looked beautiful and he was happy to see her even if the boyfriend was present.

It is December '89, he calls her on her birthday and tells her he is moving to Australia to open a new club for the company. He will be there for three years, maybe longer. However, he will be in touch. A year goes by, and during this time, she breaks up with her boyfriend. She doesn't love him the way she should. Not too long after, Curt calls. He is going back home to Houston to visit his family and would like to see her. He sends her a ticket.

She is having lots of anxiety as she sits on the plane. It's been several years since they have seen each other. Will he still find her attractive, charming, intriguing? Will she feel the same about him? She knows that aside from any physical changes, she loves him emotionally and she needs to tell him.

She walks off the plane and there he is. He looks the same. She is relieved and can tell by the look on his face so is he. She is so nervous. What to say, what should we talk about..Oh god this feels so awkward. He stops the car and she wonders what is wrong. He pulls out a cooler and two glasses. He pours him and her a glass of champagne and raises a toast. As they drink it down, her courage returns and her anxiety disappears.

They spend the first night in each others arms, they make love and fall asleep with their bodies intertwined. They spend the next day touring the artsy side of Houston. Drinking frozen drinks at Fat Tuesdays, shooting pool and taking in each other's company. She leaves tomorrow, "too soon she thinks. But tonight I will tell him how I feel. "

They dress for dinner. He is taking her to a restaurant located on the rooftop with a beautiful view of the city. He asks her to dance, he pulls her body close to his and they move to the music. They take their cocktails outside on the roof top and enjoy the luminous view of the city. She is somewhat sad as she is leaving him in the morning. She summons up the courage and tells him, she loves him and if her were to ask her to join him in Australia she would...she wants to spend her life with him.

He looks at her, she stares into his eyes. His eyes tell her he was not prepared for this. His face takes on a certain sadness as he looks at her and says, "I don't know how to tell you this but I am involved wiith someone else, and it's rather serious...If only you had told me this before..it appears we can never get it right, when I am available you aren't and when you are I'm not".

She asks him to consider them together. They have a history. He processes the words, the situation. He thinks of the reprecussions of his actions. Could or should he break the heart of this person waiting for him in Australia? He gives it some consideration.

They finish dinner in an emotional time warp. Once they get back to the hotel, they don't make love but lay together for they both know this is the last time they will be together.

The next morning he drives her to the airport. On the plane she reflects on the weekend. She knows that she would have married him if he would have asked but he didn't and she is not bitter. She thinks to herself, to love and be loved was enough for her with this man for he showed her that true love is without drama. She will replay this in her mind over the years to come. Not for what would/could have been but for what it was.

Shortly thereafter their weekend a letter appears from him apologizing for what could have been between them. He wonders if he made a mistake in letting her go.

It is December of '90. He calls to wish her happy birthday and in a voice filled with angst tells her he is getting married. Her heart sinks deep into the pit of her stomache. Surely she did not hear that correctly. He can't get married. But he is and he wanted to tell her himself. What could she do other than congratulate him. She then hangs up the phone and cries herself to sleep.

Flash forward...the calls don't come on her birthday anymore. She wonders if he still thinks about her? She doesn't know where he is or what he is doing anymore. She is no longer a physical part of his life but beleives she will always be an emotional part as he will always be for her. To love and have lost is one thing but to never love or be loved is a tragedy.


BTW if you haven't figured it out....
She is me. The other day as I reflected on what I want in a relationship, I thought about Curt. It flooded me with emotions. But it helped me realize what I wanted in relationship and what I have settled for. I am beautiful, smart, loving, funny, caring, sensual, and more. I will remind myself that every day when I settle for less because I am worth so much more.