Would you like fries to go with that drama?

I admit I have been somewhat absent from my blog. I have missed writing. Most of my writing was driven by a broken heart and it was a way for me to "repair". Now that I have had my time of working through my pain, I sometimes wonder how much do I really have to say? Do I have anything in me to write passionately, prolifically or just lay it out there if I am not being driven by pain. I am not sure but I am willing to give it a shot. So here goes... (*Caroline, this one is for you)

I have been called the "drama queen" (better than a drag queen), and "princess of drama".
Hhmm, I wonder if my friends are trying to tell me something.

I think part of my persona is drama. I am trying to think about a time when I didn't have any drama, not sure when it was, but there must have been one.

Drama has always been a part of my life both professionally and personally. Not all drama is bad, right? It keeps things exciting and oh, tumultuous.

I have had my fair share of drama in my relationships. I think I have always been drawn to the "bad boys" because they have provided me with some sort of drama. Sometimes they are men who drink too much, men who are prone to cheating, and men who are just players. Yeah, I know "don't hate the playa, hate the game" I call Bull sh-t on on that one.

Their drama became my drama and I forwarded this drama to my friends, who in turn began calling me "the drama queen".

And the cycle goes on...

I couldn't figure out (without therapy, go figure), why I gravitate (d) toward these type of men.I I don't know if I still know the answer to that. Maybe I think I can change them and in during this process, which I think I am doing for my happiness but I am actually doing it for my own detriment.

I really (deep down) want to believe that it is possible to meet a man and know that he is the one. I thought I knew that at one point but it was one sided, mostly mine. I thought as best friends when we turned into lovers we would naturally become life partners. Sadly, I was mistaken, only it took me a very long time to figure that out.

I once asked my therapist, how do you know when it's right. She replied, "there's no drama".
WHAT! NO DRAMA!!..Sh-t, I guess I am destined to be alone.

Then it happened, just like some say it does. You know, "it'll happen when you're not looking for it". Well, I wasn't looking and I wasn't interested but something happened, nothing huge that would make it any different from any other day, except, I realized I had feelings for this person.

The realization occured to me when I least expected it. I didn't have to "work" to make him want to be with me and there is no drama.

I admit it has been somewhat of an adjustment for me . Lack of drama in a relationship?! Will I create it? Will I evoke it? Without it will I be able to make this work? Oh.... the drama of it all!