Match...Point!

Well, I thought what the heck and decided to give it another go....I renewed my membership, yes, I said renewed, to Match.com. I had some luck in the past, I met some interesting men and went on some good and some not so good dates. I gave it up when the "winks" started coming from much older men (like 10+ years older than myself) and it felt creepy.

Needless to say I received a few of those today anyway. Apparently these men "think" I want to be "winked" at by them ignoring that I stated in my preferences I am not interested in men over the age of 45. They must think I am kidding.

We'll see what progresses over the next 30 days...

I have decided that I am ready to be in a relationship. For quite some time I had been content alone but now I am at the point that I am ready to share parts of my life and the things I have to offer with someone. However, it has been very difficult to meet the right person.

Because by definition I can not define him. I know he will have a great personality, be warm and compassionate, romantic and sexy, someone I will find attractive, a great friend and a companion to share the good, bad and indifferent times with.

Not too terribly long ago I thought I had found this someone and for one reason or another we did not end up together. He found someone else and married. For some crazy reason, call it intuition, for lack of a better word, I always felt our paths would lead us to each other in the future. But then I also tend to believe in the "fairy tale", a chance encounter with my soul mate and that I was actually the "7th" member of the Brady Bunch family.

Recently, there was a separation in his marriage and we re-connected. However there is no beginning nor is there an end to anything between us. As he attempts to make those same decisions about his marriage, I struggle to put my feelings aside and go on as if none of this ever happened. I feel as if I fell into the " The Land of the Lost". Not quite like the old TV show where they went from modern day to the dinosaur age, more like being lost in my feelings, they overwhelm me. What I must accept and have a hard time doing so is, that it is what it is. He is still married although separated-and apparently in no hurry to make any decisions. And me? I want to move forward.

I enjoy seeing him and spending time with him and he makes me laugh and I do feel happy but when it comes down to it I have nothing. No plans for tomorrow, no let's plan a vacation together, no let's do a movie, etc....no future in sight.

You may have guessed this already but I have the hardest time letting go. I have a hard time comprehending that it just is not going to happen. That is because I live my life for most aspects in the area between black and white and when you live in the gray, anything is possible. But the little voice that resides inside my head says ...go, move on.

So I tell him and myself that I am moving on and then what do I do? I don't. I am worse than the little boy who cried wolf. What eventually happened to him is what it's store for me.

Today, I made a move to move on by joining Match.com. Not the greatest way to meet people but it's a start. I need to be with someone who wants to be with me. There is a difference, this much I know. And that, guys and gals, is what I am looking for.