If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, then it must be a ....Chicken!

I always thought of myself as someone who was smart. You know, the kind of smart that gets one through life. I am smart in my job. I can converse intelligently with the physicians I call on, because I have been educated to do so. I am smart when I need to balance my checkbook, thank god or I would be in financial straights.

Some things I am not so smart at; Trivial Pursuit, "The 90's" edition. I found this out after I boasted and bragged that I could kick the bf's butt at it. Then when he cleaned my clock, I realized I didn't know as much about the "90's" as I thought I did, even though I lived through them. But, I must say I was very impressed, not with his knowledge of sports, I mean he IS a guy. I was impressed with his overall smarts, yes something I questioned.

Yeah, I know it's just a trivia game, for gosh sakes. Not a true test of one's intelligence. However it was for me a test of "believability". See ,I am the type that needs to see it for myself and then I will believe it.

I trace this back to my "formative" teenage years. I attribute this lack of trust to men beginning with my father. Because after all gf's are well, trustworthy, except the ones that sleep with the guy you are crushing on or with your bf. Which can't be all their fault if your man lets it happen.

I have had my share of "trust" issues, as I am sure everyone as. Here is where I insert things that I am smart in. In some cases I knew that my bf's were sleepin' around on me. Not just for the fact that my gf's would tell me but it's women's intuition. Yet, I was not so smart because I stayed with them.

Trust has become an issue for me that always sits right at the top of any potential relationship that I have been in. I begin to question everything that comes out of their mouth and their actions.

When I met current bf I began "evaluating" almost every thing he said and inside my mind the bullshit radar was turned on. It's the initial beginning where you learn things about one another. He has shared with me "stories" that I felt were a little on the farside. I listened but deep down I resorted back to "bullshit" radar. Honestly, it's truly an issue of trust. Why should I care afterall if it is bullshit, so what right? No, it does matter (to me) because that defines to me someone's character and that folks leads back to believability, and trust.

Now, a little over month into this relationship, I find myself giving in to some of these issues on trust that I suffer from and fortunately, we are both terrible liars. I think for the first time in awhile I don't feel as if I need to question a man's feelings and actions.

I don't think this time it is a chicken but actually a duck. And I hope I don't ever need to eat chicken again.