Take the C...

The other night, I think I had an epiphany. I called up my friend K., and let her in on my revelation, to which she replied, "I have been telling you this along" So why is it that when I hear it from a person who knows me for less than 30 minutes is it an epiphany?

Pull up a chair grab yourself a beverage and plan to sit for a few because this could be a long one.

Flashback to the other evening

I enter the restaurant feeling a little frazzled, long day, very tired, thinking to myself "what am I doing here?" I need to be home sleeping. It hits me "Oh yeah... I've been told that I haven't made much of an effort to meet anyone new of the opposite sex. Whatever... and so what if it's true."

I look around....
"Great there are close to 30 people here and I don't see him...oh well..gotta go"...then he approaches..."s---, gotta stay." Inside voice.

Casual introductions out of the way, "hmm, handshake feels a little "limpy".... kind of effeminate for a Navy man." Again inside voice.

We sit down and I order a good ole H2o, as I discreetly check the signal on my cell phone (it's not strong) so if I need an out, I'm screwed.

He asks me to tell him about me, what's a typical week in Michelle's life. Oh boy, once he hears this he may run. So I lay it down for him, the short version for you'all, trust me you'll appreciate this... I'm very busy at my job, I am currently remodeling my bathroom and starting a new exercise program, still going to my twice a week boot camp sessions, as I attempt a new eating program, (short for diet) .

As we sit there talking, he says, that he's noticed that the maniacal look on my face is gone.
Apparently upon entering the restaurant my eyes were blinking rapidly and I appeared slightly flustered. I, later mention this to a couple of friends who now tell me "Oh yeah, I've seen that look on you before" Appealing.

So now Steve, who has now known me for about 30 minutes, says, "You do have a lot going on but I've noticed something." I think..."Oh god there's a blueberry seed stuck in my teeth from that damn protein shake I had on the way over."

Which would have been a little easier to swallow than what came next. He asks me if I ever settle for anything less than an A. "Uh, an A? Is this a test?" Inside voice.

He continues "I didn't hear you mention how good any or all of these things going on in your life are. Have you ever thought I look great the just the way I am? That having a bowl of ice cream is not the end of the world. You're really hard on yourself aren't you?"

Now at this point I became intrigued. Afterall my own therapist never got any of this on our first session and here he was analyzing me for FREE. I wasn't offended just curious. Am I really so transparent?

I then volunteered, the kiss of death, "I think I have an issue with control, and I tend to try to "fix" everything." That's it, all future dates are off with this man. He now knows way too much and should run from this maniacal woman.

As for the epiphany, although I know what he said to be true, why did it hit me as if I never saw or heard it before. How can I learn to undo that which is written all over me like a billboard.

I believe things happen for a reason so maybe this was my wake-up call. The nudge that I needed. The nudge that might open my eyes and try to work on being more positive about what I have, life, love, friends, family etc..and to try not to control everything in my life. Take the C not the A.

Can I do it? We'll "C".