And the beat goes on...

Just came home tonight for the second time. About a month ago, my friend's husband decided to not come home from a weekend down at the lake. Instead he moved some of his stuff into his mother's house and told her by phone where he would be staying. He needed some space from her. After 14 years of marriage she was devastated.

Over the past two weeks things have developed even further. He comes to the house to pay the bills every Monday but does not want to see her so she has to leave. Upon returning to the house last week she found receipts laying in the trash can, for a couple of trips to some local wineries and one from Walmart with the following purchases; tampons, a toothbrush and chocolates. To the best of her knowledge, he is a man, so why would he need tampons? She called me devastated and I tried to talk her down from the ledge.

Tonight, for some unknown reason she looked in the paper shredder and on the top was a piece of a shredded receipt with the word condom printed on it. She managed to put the whole shredded receipt together, her shredder really sucks BTW. My phone rang at 9pm it was her mother concerned asking me to go over there for she was afraid of her daughter's mental state.

Lately, so many of the married people I know have separated from each other. The question I ask as a single person is why did they get married in the first place? I don't think that because I am single, never married that I can not relate to their situations because in the end it's all about the relationship.

The signs are there, we just chose to accept them or ignore them. The only difference is that in a marriage you are bound with a legal document. It doesn't mean you won't cheat, leave, change your mind, or fall in love with someone else and out of love with them.

Are you truly getting what you want out of your relationship or are you settling. For my friend the past six years have been spent with a mate who does not want to do things she enjoys, is an alcoholic in denial and can't communicate with her. Yet she says she loves him and would take him back and in the same breath she says but I have not been happy. Is she emotionally conflicted and/or afraid to be alone?

Sure we love that person but if you and he/she are are not compatible together, it is what it is. I think we all try to "work" it out because we want to believe in it. But when change is involved, people don't change unless they want to.

In a relationship I was in many years ago, I used to think I could change the way this person felt about me. When he chose someone else and not me to spend his life with I was devastated. But the reality simply may have been that he was not ready to commit to a relationship long term with me because he may be drawn to a certain type (not just physical attributes) of a woman.
It wasn't me, it was him.

For example, I have found that I am drawn to men who need to be "helped". I go into a relationship with them and try to help them "fix" their life in some way. Well, there are several problems with that, (1) you can't fix someone, they can only fix themselves and (2) my heart always gets broken.

I also used to think there was one "soulmate" for everyone. Well, I still do but I am working on that one.

The other day someone said to me, the best thing you can do for someone you love is to let them go when they need to be let go. Love is doing what's best for that person.

Well, I am working on that one too.